Trust Your Instincts Before Doing Business With Potentially Toxic People

If your instincts are kicking in and something doesn’t feel right when it comes to a person with whom you are about to do business- don’t do it. No matter what the loss or what you will get paid, you will pay in agony and distress. If you see a red flag, note that there will be other red flags throughout your business dealings with them.

Never ignore something that bothers you because as you get further and further involved with them things will only get worse. Sometimes albeit very rarely you can talk things through and the situation can be rectified. But most of the time what you see is what you get.

As many of you know, I am not only a body language and communication expert but I am also a filmmaker. I recently had the experience of someone in the film industry wanting to do a film with me. He suggested that I write out a treatment for the upcoming film which I did. As a filmmaker, I am very open to helpful comments, criticisms, and differences of opinion. I am not stuck in my ego as I will do all that is best for the film. But the comments and critiques of my film treatment were beyond ridiculous if not laughable and cringe-worthy. The comments were clearly made by someone who had no concept of the film. What he suggested was not something with which I would be comfortable and choose to be associated. So the bottom line was that he follow my approach or we would not be harmonious in working together and go our separate ways. No money in the world is worth giving up on your integrity. Doing so will make you feel bad for a lifetime.

I know firsthand how that feels. . Years ago I wrote a wonderful book about Toxic relationships and how to detect and heal from them. It was a sequel to my best-selling book- Toxic People. I wanted to call the book Toxic Relationships but the publisher insisted on calling it, Toxic Men. I hated the title because it was about both sexes as there were just as many toxic women as there were toxic men. I also didn’t want my name to be associated with a book called Toxic Men. It made me appear like a man-hater- which I am not. In fact, I love men. So this title was not at all fitting with who I am. The publisher rejected my title Toxic Relationships and printed the book with the title Toxic Men, much to my upset. During the publicity tour, I really felt the embarrassment of such a terrible title. Some of the interviewers were quite defensive about the book because of the title. I knew that was going to happen. The title seemed to have a life of its own. In 20/20 hindsight what I should have done was to offer to buy the book back and give back my advance. I needed to say that I would not promote the book in any way with that title. I may have needed to get an attorney on board to help make my point clear. Because I succumbed to the publishers’ wishes, I have to live with that awful title following me around as part of my body of work. While I am proud of what is in the book, I am not proud of the title of the book.

So the bottom line is to walk away and to find another avenue to do what you want instead of working with someone or doing something you don’t feel comfortable with. If you don’t, it will come back to haunt you.

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